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Friday, July 28, 2006

Spam

...spam spam spam, spam spam spam spam - spamity spam! Spamity spam!

If you are easily offended by explicit language, don't read this. It's just an accurate reflection of the spam I and people I know get. If you're online (i.e., unless someone else made you a printed copy of this post), you can't pretend you haven't heard most of this before.

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I'm so glad I followed the advice of all that helpful email I got without even asking. These days, I sit in front of my computer and alternately watch hot barnyard action and search for some lonely housewives to please, and go to online casinos and gamble away that fifteen million I got from helping that nephew of the deposed Nigerian dictator. Of course, I didn't even need the fifteen million because of the other millions I made buying that stock I'd never heard of off a tip from someone I'd never met and had no credentials, but never the less had some great insider information which he broadcast to a huge mailing list. I didn't even need that much money, because I got myself an armful of replica Rolexes really cheap, and I saved all that money with that great ARM loan that I got from Save-U-m0ney.youreahugesucker.biz. My mail-order Russian bride doesn't take much maintenance either; besides being from a poor country with low expectations that are easily impressed by our great country and virile men, she's too pleased by my 20 inch penis (which is able to knock down trees and beat people senseless) that puts out a gallon of semen every time. Not that I need the sex to be happy; now that I get cheap medz from reputable online Mexican pharmacies, I have all the prozac I want.

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I figured if I was stuck getting spam, I may as well find it amusing. Just don't ever, ever click on any of it, for any reason. The only reason spam still exists is that some tiny number of people actually spend money on the things advertised.

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