Gems from John

We need torte reform: less cherries; more chocolate.

Pesto: the bacon of the veggie world.

Me (having just eaten a Cinnabon): Ugh, sugar coma.
John: Is that a cinnacoma? Or a comabon?

IM Statuses and Other Miscellaneous Observations

My tea has steeped so long it's almost vertical. (Credit to John)

Badgers need better PR. Snakes and mushrooms always have enthusiast societies, but have you ever heard of a badger club? (Also credit to John)

Mercer Island: It's Not Just A Rock That Holds Up I-90!

The goal of making hash browns is to turn something that needs butter into something that needs ketchup.

I hate computers. They get in the way of the part I actually like, coding.

A Plethora Of Weird Articles

Wikipedia: Unusual Articles

I read part of the article on the Principality of Sealand, and it's hilariously bizarre. Some time when I have more time, I'll look at more of them. Thanks to Ron's status message for the link.

Japanese Parking Gameshow

I had to post this, because it's just too weird... and Japanese:

http://tvinjapan.com/blog/2008/02/23/serious-men-rocks-japanese-car-parking-gameshow/

Hello Chlorox my old friend

(to the tune of Sounds of Silence by Simon and Garfunkel)
I've come to scrub with you again
Because a fungus softly-ee fluffing
Left its spore while I wa-as trav'ling
And the fuzzies, that were planted in my fridge
Still remain
With them the smell of rotting

Thanks to Nik for the idea, and for getting the song stuck in my head so I kept putting words to it. Maybe if I get ambitious, I'll fill out the rest of the song...

Fie on "clean"

After several years of walking down the path of keeping my house cleaner and cleaner, I have to say, "Can I turn around?" But nay, the way back is filled with those tire-poking things, and probably some dragons for good measure.

It used to be, when I was in school, that I was always the messy one in a house, and other people would nag at me to clean. Slowly, over time, I started keeping places cleaner. I'm not even sure why. Maybe some part of me wanted to avoid the bad status associated with being messy, even though I verbally defended it, saying "the cleaner person is not automatically right" when it comes to housemate disagreements. It's true I still believe that: if you're the one who's bothered by it, you should clean it up, at least in some cases. It really sucks to spend a few hours doing something that, to you, doesn't even make a difference - I could spend 2 hours cleaning a bathroom, and afterward, a housemate would say, "doesn't that look better?" and I could honestly say, "Um, no. It doesn't look any different to me," and feel resentful because I wanted my 2 hours back.

But, by some combination of being made to look at it and clean it, and living by myself with only my own stuff, has made me actually want things clean - and, the killer, care when they're not. I care when there's junk cluttering up the floor, when dirt sticks to my feet, when there are clean dishes not put away and dirty ones in the sink. I care when there's a big pile of dirty laundry and I don't have the selection of clean clothes I want.

I'm sure some think this is good, and maybe there are good points of it. But, you know the main difference I've observed? It's damned inconvenient. I think mostly it makes me spend more of my time frustrated and dissatisfied. Does it save time? No, I doubt it, beyond maybe a few things like emptying the dishwasher right away so you don't have to move dishes twice.

I could easily be angry about this. I'm tempted to blame the whole damn idea on soap and cleaning product industry marketers. Being sanitary is one thing, but that isn't what this is: I never before let stuff get unsanitary (even liquefying fruit can be thrown away without contaminating things), just messy. Really, what is the benefit? Showing off? Making other people think you have more time to waste? F**k that noise. Yes, I do resent the forces that have, over the years, made me be bothered at things that don't particularly matter.

Can I go back? It'll be tough. It'll be tough to ignore junk that sticks to my feet when I walk around, and gunk on the shower curtain. It'll be tough to ignore all the junk on the floor underfoot. And I'll probably get my arm hair singed, or maybe get some tooth marks.

But, you know, there's a lot of value in being at peace with things as they are, whether you want to change them or not, and that's really the point.

Variation on a Bumper Sticker Idea

Good lord - it's March of 2008!! Not that the month or year has any great significance on its own, but sometimes time passes surprisingly quickly (a phenomenon I rigorously try to avoid), and it's a bit shocking to actually look at the numbers.

But, since it is 2008: Where's my army of robot servants? And my flying car? And my vat-grown organs?

(Credit to John, with slight variation, for that last one - he wanted vat-grown feet).

Random Thoughts - Food

My box of Shredded Oats has a panel headed "Dietary Features." That seems to imply there also exist Dietary Bugs.

Hawaii Trip IV

That's "Hawaii Trip 4", not getting a needle in the arm - thankfully, as this trip (in contrast with some others) did not involve any trips to the emergency room.

You know how when you get a long, detailed letter or email, you don't get around to replying because you know you're going to write a long, detailed reply, and thus you never feel like you have time to get started? In the interest of avoiding that, I will put up no pretense of covering everything which has transpired since my last post, or even my whole trip to Hawaii.

While I did go to school in California for a bit over a year in 1999-2000, I don't consider myself to have "moved away" from Hawaii til I went to Arizona in 2002. Since then, I've made 4 trips back - the most recent being last week. I'm planning to write til I get tired, which may not take long since it's 1:42am.

Day 1: Critterboy in Paradise

The first bit of the adventure started before we had even left. My idea of packing for Hawaii consist of throwing some clothes, a tent, an air mattress, and a sleeping bag in a suitcase. Even that is optional; I am, after all, going to where I used to live, and my parents have extra of most things, including my old stuff. John, however, had all sorts of elaborate gear he wanted to bring - scuba gear (entailing finding stuff in the garage, a daunting task a best), camera gear (entailing repacking elaborate carrying cases), and the combination of the two - underwater camera gear (some special silicon grease from Japan, and I don't know what else). Since we didn't actually get started packing til midnight, we were up til 3am getting the basics, plus scuba and camera, together, and the poor underwater photography gear never made it at all. I did feel rather bad about that, since John takes great underwater pics, but I consoled us both by saying that I do go back every year; this time we could just enjoy looking at things and not worry about the pics.

So, after 3 hours of sleep, we set out for the airport and our 6.5 hour mainland - Honolulu flight, 5 hour layover, and 45 minute puddle hopper to Hilo. After a great dinner at Ken's House of Pancakes (Mc Donalds : Fuddrucker's :: IHOP : Ken's - 'nuf said), we headed back to my parents' house, and within 15 minutes of getting there, caught two coqui frogs, including one tiny one, not more than 3/4 of an inch long. I'd always thought of the coquis as evil - obnoxiously loud, not to mention disrupting the local ecosystem. John, however, loves critters of all kinds, especially tiny frogs, so he was thrilled. In my years living there, I'd only ever paid attention to the plants, and never the animals - except to the extent of, say, trying to destroy slugs when they ate my sunflower sprouts, or moths and butterflies when they made cocoons in my banana leaves.
Thus we had great complimentary knowledge - he pointed out birds and lizards and weird sea life to me, and I pointed out plants to him.

Stay tuned for "Day 2: This Is Not An Auto Shop", in which the author's MacGyver-like father drives down a mountain in a truck that is not, um, "working".

Aestivate, desiccate, masticate

[Written 2007.11.18]

Yes, those are my Thanksgiving plans.

Aestivate: technically, this means to sleep for the summer (parallel to hibernate). I’m twisting the meaning to just enjoying the summer-like climate of Tucson in November.

Desiccate: because, man, it’s really dry here. I got out of the shower this morning, dried off, and my skin made a sucking noise as it pulled taut against the meat and bones below.

Masticate: because this is, after all, a holiday dedicated to eating. I’m sitting next to a box of chocolates right now. I’ve already eaten 2, and I may eat another. Just try me.

Also, this cat sitting on my lap has a giant creepy cyst on her neck. And she has dandruff and disturbing hairless patches. And she smells funny. And she has diabetes. And she’s seventeen years old. But everyone forgives her those things, because she is simply the most cuddly, loving creature; all she wants in life is to be held, and hopefully rub noses with you.

Spicy Punchy Head

Actual conversation with brain:

Me: Hmm, maybe I should try to do some real work.
Brain: Bleh.
Me: How about just that really trivial change of moving that button to a different div and restyling it...
Brain: WAAAAAAAH!! NOOOOOOO!
Me: Okay then.

That was on Friday after 3 hours of sleep. A mug of hot, steaming punchiness? Mulled punchiness? Hot spiced punchiness? Spicy punchy head?

Latest sources of amusement

Subtly-wrong complaints, particularly applying complaints to things to which they don't quite fit:

"I don't like this street. I want a different street."

"Today sucks. I want my money back." Or, "Being female sucks. I want my money back." (Not as a reference to a sex-change operation; just in general.)

Judgmental descriptions:

"Macadamia nut pie is like pecan pie, but with better nuts." Not different nuts, better nuts.

Altering cliches:

"Her behavior was below and behind the call of duty."

"The spirit is willing, but the flesh is whiny."

Times Not To Complain

Which big, loud, multi-DJ, themed, random-circus-type-entertainment party shall I go to?

Master Kundalini yoga class or show at Triple Door by an electric-Euro-rock band?

My hands are dry because I've spent so much time playing with the silly putty my manager gave out last week.

How shall I get to work, beautiful road bike ride in the golden Northwestern sunlight, or drive the BMW?

My bread goes bad quickly because it's fresh artesian local bread (or home made).

Listen to trance and play with Greasemonkey, or just go home and sleep?

Random Thoughts

I spend time wondering about things I know I shouldn't wonder about. Like, if you blow your nose on a piece of toilet paper, is it more ecologically friendly to throw it in the trash or flush it? I decided it's probably the former (maybe just because I've been around a lot of old fragile plumbing), but it probably doesn't make much difference.

Or, if I bike to work, I have to wash an extra set of clothing vs driving. Hmm, let's see: electricity, water, and soap to do a fraction of a load of laundry, or gasoline to pull two tons of metal for 9 miles? I think we have a winner there.

--

The modern world has all sorts of problems we never anticipated. Our cell phones, for example, are pretty close to a Star Trek communicator, but you never saw Kirk going "Um, Spock, could you buzz my communicator? I don't know where I put it."

--

Parking around my buildings has been a problem for a while, as it has been around most of the main campus. Either the parking garages are only a couple levels deep and there aren't enough spaces, or they are deep enough... and there's a Balrog on the bottom level.

That being said, we do actually have plenty of parking now. The building next to us, which is under construction, isn't finished - but its parking garage is, and while it's a little farther than our own garage, it beats the valet (sometimes blocked in, have to get your key back from security if you're there late) or the old Eddie Bauer lot (almost half a mile away). 'Tis a most beautiful sight to the Seattle-ite: a broad open expanse of empty parking spaces.

Best. Error. Ever.

It's an error message on an error message. A meta-error. Yes, I got this at work.

Boat Festival

I've gone from saying "so people don't think I'm insane" to "so fewer people notice I'm insane."

--

Written Wednesday:

Last night I was at Jazz Alley (great venue, BTW), and I couldn't help but notice the loops on the ceiling fans looked just like handles. We were sitting on these perch seats right below the ceiling, so we were actually looking down at the fans. I kept thinking how fun it would be to leap off the balcony and catch the fan handles and swing around. Yeah... mind of a five year old hiding in the body of a twenty six year old.

--

Sometimes I get sick of being a weirdo. I'm contrary enough that I often try to go against whatever people say usually is the case, but sometimes I get really tired of being the exception to everything. Especially things like, "this usually works well for people." I really wish it did.

--

Latest source of amusement: making events up, and then attributing other things to them. For instance, toward the end of this week, Shauna and I were driving into Seattle through this awful traffic, and noticed many, many boats out - lines of them out into Lake Washington near Montlake, Portage Bay packed to the gills. In speculating what this was, I said, "maybe there's a Seattle Boat Festival," which sounds reasonable, since hey, if any city is going to have a boat festival, it would be Seattle, right? So we had a good laugh. Further on, Shauna made some further comment wondering about the cause of the awful traffic, and I said, "Mmm, must be the Boat Festival."

So, turns out it's just opening day of boating season. That's almost a Boat Festival.

Random Thoughts

My machine at work is named Haste (in keeping with my Berkeley Street Names Theme). That means that while I'm waiting for a webpage to load from my machine, the status bar says "Waiting for haste...". That could be an observation about life, and the futility and counterproductivity of hurrying. But mostly it's a neat coincidence.

--

Webolution: However tempting it might be, with the Web 2.0 doing much what the initial Dot Com Boom hoped for, let's not bring back this word. It reeks of the Dot Com Bust. It's the kind of word that screams, We're going to get overenthused about something and fail spectacularly, trying to force technologies and services on people who don't want them, don't trust you, and don't understand, and piss away many billions of dollars in the process.

--

Sometimes, it doesn't take much to make you feel clever. Today I realized I could eat carrots in my office.

Okay, maybe that doesn't sound like much, but consider the problem: I try to set everything up so that I can focus on work with as little maintenance as possible. For this purpose, I'm kind of high-maintenance, in the sense that I need to eat frequently, and I strongly prefer real food (where real implies the largest reasonably attainable subset of {local, organic, unprocessed, nutritious}). I also get distracted by things like people walking in the hall outside my office. For the former, I got a mini fridge, and I need foods that I don't have to think much or do much to eat. Carrots? Perfect! No cooking, no portion commitment, no extra container or utensil. Just type and munch. For the latter problem... I spend a fair amount of time seeking out good background music, which is mostly techno/trance plus a little choir music. Something I don't need to pay attention to; it just has to be pleasant and keep me from needing to be aware of anything besides my screens. My precious, precious screens.

Earth Day 2007

What can I do to hasten the Rapture?

Invest in a coal-burning toaster.
-Daily Show

Daily Show: Apocalypse How?

Possession of the Coveted Object

Written a few weeks ago:
Sometimes, it's the smallest things. Perhaps it's some consolation that, even though it's the tiny things that can ruin your day, they can also make it too.

For months, I have been coveting a particular coworker's chair - I'll refer to him as Mike B. It had almost become a running joke, that this was one of my activities that I was known for - you know, fix stylesheets, bring strawberries to work, covet Mike B's chair. He's in the office across the hall from me, the same office as another coworker I need to talk to frequently. Whenever I would go over there, I would sit in Mike B's chair, just because it was really comfy. I grew to want to have it, to steal it back to my own office, but I figured that would not only be a mean thing to do, I would be caught really quickly. I had a ray of hope when another guy in that office (there were 4, now down to 3) left - his stuff immediatly got cannibalized (other guys on my team showed up with screwdrivers within hours to take parts from his machine), including Mike B taking his old chair. I thought I had Mike B's chair, but no, he said he wanted to hold onto it while he was evaluating the new one, and before too long, decided he wanted to stick with the old one. Rats! Foiled, but not for long.

Today, I went over to their office, and lo, the coveted chair was sitting there, unused by Mike B. I tentatively asked if he was going to use it, and he said his chiropractor warned him away from it... well, I wasn't going to let that deter me, so I snatched it and gleefully rolled it over to my office.

Now:
You know, he's right - it isn't good on the back. Weird how things can be so comfy at first, but not at all for long stretches. I read (in Blink by Malcolm Gladwell - awesome book) that's how New Coke came into being - did well in sip tests, but that doesn't say much about how people will like drinking a case of something.

So, maybe I'll ditch New Chair in favor of Chair Classic.

Geographic Differences In Reactions To Things, Part II

Traffic laws:
Seattle: Well, if the speed limit is 50, that means you shouldn't go over 50.
California: They're more like guidelines than actual rules.
Tucson: Huh?

Earthquakes, hurricanes, and volcanoes:
Hawaii: Whee! (It's just part of the weather.)
Seattle: Eeeek!
Midwest: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *gasp* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA